yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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