it hurts more in the daytime
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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