My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
