Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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