No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
