just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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