thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
