Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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