see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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