he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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