There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
