she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
