i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
