i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
