I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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