he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
