can u get pink eye on your cock?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
