I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
