The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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