ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You did what with his pubic hair?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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