i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
