I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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