This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
