i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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