Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
