Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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