pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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