Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
