i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well you can't waste a boner
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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