also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
