At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
