so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
