we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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