What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
