why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize