it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
