I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
