Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
