Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize