Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
