I need help removing her.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
