At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
