the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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