I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I deserve this hangover.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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