I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
