I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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