I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
