Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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