Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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