By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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