If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
