Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
