party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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