She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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