I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize