Sry I called you an 8
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
