i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
