I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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