I look better un-naked...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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