I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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