Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize