good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize