At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
