The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
