if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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