as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
