I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
