"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
